Trace

sitting on the train the other day, i suddenly came over all melancholic and started to think about things i regretted doing, or as was mostly the case not doing. with some time to kill before getting in to edinburgh, i decided to go with a bout of carthisism and write down everything that i regretted on a bit paper. or as luck would have it, on the back of a receipt for some curry (n.b. to soundtrack the whole endeavour, the killers' "all these things that i've done" was put on repeat (ain't black humour fun?)).

it felt weird delving back into things that i'd not thought about in ages. it was like looking at baby photos of yourself, cringeworthy at times but ultimately you feel a bit happier after doing it. after about half an hour of pondering, there were 14 things written on the back on my record of a kashmiri kebab. 14 over 10 years, or 1.4 regrets per year....as my boss is fond of saying (not about my work, before you start) "this is shit, is this...".

i won't print the whole list, but they ranged from "i wish i'd had the bollocks to ask her out..." to "I wish i'd studied harder...", or "i should have taken that career path..". After staring over the fruits of my labour, i went point by point through the list and analyzed what it all means in 2005. I realised that some of them i could do nothing about, they're in the past and that's that. Some of them could still be achieved with some effort, and some of them are really quite meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

however, it also got me thinking about the consequences. example, when i was at college i studied computers not as a path to a career in i.t., but so that i could join the royal navy as an officer. 3 years i studied hard(ish), and at the end of it felt great that i could send of my application. however, it was rejected on the account that my maths grade wasn't great. undeterred, i resubmitted an application, this time as an ordinary seaman. it was accepted, and i soon had a date for the entrance exam.

in the meantime i started to get cold feet about loss of freedom on joining, how i'd cope with the discipline etc, the sort of thing that most entrants probably ask themselves. so i bottled it, and didn't attend the exam, deciding instead to try for a life in i.t. (or working in pc world as it was then). as the years passed i started to think whether i'd done the right thing. everytime there was a conflict somewhere involving the navy, i'd wonder whether i'd have been there if i'd joined. of course i could have failed the exam, and it would all have been mute, but the what if? is always more intruiging.

then i started to think....by working on in that shop meant that i met people whom i'm privilaged to know as good friends. there are many things, even the little things, such as nights out, trips to the rugby, drambuie sessions, network nights, arguing about how good/rubbish the new star wars films were, stag nights, weddings, etc that had i'd not been there, it would have been an even bigger regret for me than not sailing about in a tin can is to me now.

then of course there are the other people i've met, new friends, girlfriends, friends of friends, work mates, that i've enjoyed meeting and that have made my life richer as a result. i alighted that train thinking that the biggest regret is to regret, and that although life may have not been as i'd planned 10 years ago, it's perhaps better than it could have been. fate, as they say, is a strange mistress.

"life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" - john lennon

aye

good things:

hearts humping hibs 4-0 in the derby - would bring a smile to the face of any hearts fan, but that's now 8 goals in two games for the boys in maroon

childish humour - you may only get this if you grew up in scotland, but any questions please don't hestitate to ask.

nouvelle vague - two french producers use a couple of french & brazillian chanteuses to cover new wave (joy division, the cure etc) songs in a bossa nova stylee. the cover of "just can't get enough" is sublime.

the cricket - the english beat the aussies by two runs to win the second test. got me excited anyway!

flat hunting - at last, i can cast off the chains of living at home and look for a pad.

bad things:

flat hunting - you want how much?? will this arm and leg do?

operations - covered this yesterday, but it still rankles.

robin cook and ibrahim ferrer passing away - both giants in their field, may they both rest in peace.

scrubs

as you may have seen from yesterdays post, i've broken my wrist.

i wish i had done it rescuing a kitten, whilst under heavy gunfire, and being temporary blinded. however, this was not the case. the fact of the matter is that at the age of 27 i still have problems tying shoe laces, and that running whilst said shoe laces are flapping in the breeze is not really a good idea. still, i did manage to drive 30 miles down the bypass, drop a drunken workmate off, and then drive 10 miles to hospital whilst changing gear with my right hand. uk viewers will note that this is a ludicrous thing to do, but i saw it as a test of endurance, and a bloody sore one at that.

after 2 weeks in a cast i was told that one of the bones had become mis-aligned, and that i'd have to get a metal plate screwed onto it. with a week to go before i was to be a bestman at a mate's wedding, you could see why this prospect didn't exactly fill me with fun. still, it all went to plan, and aside from a cracking scar right down my wrist (which of course was received rescuing a kitten, under gunfire etc), everything was hunky-dory, and i don't mean in a david bowie sort of way either.

flash forward a couple of weeks. the wrist feels pretty good, and i'm back driving again. i still, however have one more visit to the hospital to go, but odds on it should be a formality. or so i thought. it seems that whilst the surgeons were changing their eagles cds, or discussing their handicap (read on, you'll find out what it is), the clever buggers managed to insert a screw that doesn't need to be there, and that said screw will have to be removed should i wish full movement in my wrist again. laugh? i nearly went private.

pin

doesn't time fly when you're having fun? can't believe it's almost been two months since the last post, but there you have it. it's been a rollercoaster of a past 6 weeks, here are just some of the highlights;

weddings (x3)
a very scary stag do the night before one of the said weddings (x1 - thankfully)
broken wrist (x1)
operation on said broken wrist (x1)
bus strike (bastardin LRT. alan, you'll share my pain on this one, surely?)
flat hunting (how much for a one bedroomed flat??!)

to name but a few. hopefully the brain will be back in gear again to post on some of the above (believe me the stag do was a doozy!), so keep reading.

peace.