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My Grandmother passed away on the 16th of this month, after a week of being in hospital with breathing problems.

The last time a direct relative of mine died was 20 years ago, so it's been strange coming to terms with it. I've had relatives pass on since then, but being my gran, it's more intense. When my grandfather died all those years ago i was sheltered from it a bit. I wasn't allow to go to the funeral, so i missed out on a lot of heartache that i would have suffered, although obviously I did grieve.

This time it's different though. I made a conscious decision early on that i would make the effort to see or speak to my gran once a week. When i was younger this was almost second nature, we would go to hers for dinner, or have her over. When I was a student, I stayed with her for a bit, before moving back home. But I still went down there every thursday for lunch. When i started to work, this was changed to Thursday nights.

As she got older, and i got older, it got a bit hard at times. You heard the same stories over and over again, and it feels awkward telling your gran what you got up to on a Saturday night, but i still loved going down to see her. For a person in her 80s, she was fiercely independent, and did more in a day than some people would do in a week. She had a (good natured) sarky sense of humour which i appreciated, and she always made sure i was fed and watered.

It's strange thinking that i can never do this again, that a person who played such a big part in my life for so long is gone. It really hit home the first time I set foot in her flat again, and realised she wasn't there. I cried that night, i can tell you.

I loved her to bits, and i've missed her everyday since she passed.

Rest in Peace, Gran.